Some Things are Better Left Forgotten
by The Pirates Muffin
Summary: Sirius experiences strange dreams and memories leading up to his death....but did he really die? (Slash starts around chapter 4, a couple you'd never expect) R/R!!!
1. Good Morning, Sunshine

*Disclaimer* I don't own Harry Potter or the characters or anything from it. Don't shoot me, I'm innocent. ****

Once upon a time, in the land of happiness….not.

            Actually, at 12 Grimmauld Place, lived Sirius Black. Convicted of a murder he did not commit, Sirius was forced to banishment for years. It wasn't too lovely, not being able to leave Grimmauld Place, the horrible old home of his wretched mother, but he figured it could be worse. After all, he could still be at Azkaban. And it wasn't like he didn't have visitors from time to time, like his best friend Remus Lupin, and godson, the famous Harry Potter. Thank God, for the Order of the Phoenix, for two reasons, one, so he could alienate himself from Kreacher, his horrible house-elf, and his mother's portrait, two, so he could feel of some use in life. Although his state of criminal record prevented him from really doing anything to the benefit of the Order, he felt glad enough to offer some service. Rather, he used the Order to his own service at times, for company instead of just help.

            "_Accio butterbeer," he muttered, hoping for something to lift his spirits. Yes, he was feeling a bit lonely, what with Harry at school and no Order meets. If only that awful Umbridge woman would have left Hogwarts alone; now Sirius couldn't even contact Harry. He felt lonely, and decided to rest awhile…was he tired…_

Sirius awoke abruptly from a horrible dream in which Harry planned on risking himself to save Sirius…from what? What could possibly get Sirius right now, should he stay at Grimmauld Place? He thought of it so much he did not realize an unfamiliar owl poking at his arm—forget poking, more like jabbing painful beatings into it—struggling to get his attention.

"What? What is it?" Sirius asked, not really looking for a spoken answer, but the owl seemed to understand anyway. As he placed a letter upon Sirius' bed, the owl continued its attempt at ripping Sirius' arm apart until he finally picked up the letter to read.

"D—this is from Dumbledore!" He stopped to read the letter.

**URGENT**

**Sirius—**

**I regret to say that I have been banished from Hogwarts and am forced to take refuge. I bid your help and shall be coming at eighteen hours. We shall meet soon.**

**—Dumbledore**

            "Oh my—I—I can't believe that—that hag, Umbridge!" Sirius exclaimed furiously, scribbling a not of his own.

**Sir Dumbledore—**

**Your presence is always welcome. I shall prepare a place for you.**

**—Sirius**

As he glanced at the clock, he realized he had less than an hour to prepare. He searched frantically through the giant house he barely knew—after all, he had been banished after the news of his entering Gryffindor. There were thousands of rooms he perhaps didn't know of or remotely remember. But he had a room in mind, now if he could only find it…Ah! And there it was, in a spot it had never once been before. Yes, Dumbledore would like that room; it never remained in the same spot twice. Good place for hiding though.

As soon as he had prepared the room, as if it had been known he was just finishing, Sirius heard Dumbledore make an entrance.

"Sirius! Sirius Black? It is I, Dumbledore…are you around?" the familiar voice called, searching for Sirius.

Like a schoolchild running excitedly up the stairs on his first day, Sirius raced down the steps and through the hall to welcome the old man, no doubt the greatest wizard of all time, standing at the entrance next to Remus.

"Ah, yes, Dumbledore….very pleased to be of a service…." He cleared his throat. "Eh-hem, that is, perhaps these circumstances are not a time to be rejoicing of pleasure, sir."

"No worries, Sirius, all is well shall we be out of harm's way."

Remus cleared his throat, "In other words, all is well shall we be far, far away from Umbridge?" he joked.

"She means well….." Dumbledore spoke in an assuring manner.

"Means well?" Sirius wondered, open eyed. "How can she mean well, she rid the school of the most important way of protection it had—"

Dumbledore interrupted, "There, there, Sirius! No need to alarm yourself. We shall see what shall become of Hogwarts in no time," he paused. "As for now, I believe a few butterbeers shall come in handy to lighten the mood," he continued as they entered the kitchen. "_Accio!__ Accio!" he passed full glasses to Sirius and Remus and they drank…they drank to success, shall it ever return._

That night, Sirius lay awake of his restlessness, unable to shut his mind of all events. What seemed like hours to him turned out into being only a few minutes, hidden by the night. Yes, he had always been a man of energy…but why now?

_Because you're worried about Harry, a voice inside told him. And was he? Yes, a bit, perhaps more than a bit, really. He had never any children of his own; perhaps he was a lonely old crackpot searching for a family through Harry, a thought that occasionally ran through his mind. And yes, James **was** his best friend, of course he would care for Harry, he would do the most parenting he ever could for that boy! So it was only natural to be preoccupied with worries._

As he tossed once again, returning to his original sleeping position in a turn, he set his mind to ponder…he knew Voldemort was out there, and he knew Voldemort would eventually set out for Harry, (that was inevitable), the only question was…when? Would Sirius be there to protect him, just as Harry had done nearly two years before? If so, **could** he protect him? He would give his life in fulfilling his promise…the one promise he would sacrifice himself to keep.

He must have fallen asleep around four in the morning, because when he awoke at seven he was still exhausted. But it was no use. Something seemed to be forcing him to get less and less sleep. Perhaps it was stress, perhaps it was something else. No use adding more worries.

He slumped down the stairs slowly, still half asleep. "Good mawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn," he yawned sleepily. "Excuse me, good morning, sir," he said to a feasting Dumbledore he found in the kitchen. "Did you sleep well?"

"Of course, Sirius," came the reply. He laughed, "But in the morning I left the room to use the toilet and could not make my way back in quite some time! Hehe, I expect it must have moved itself in the meantime. So there I was, standing in my sleeping robes searching here and there for that one room! I hope you do not mind me running about."

"No, sir, not at all," he chuckled, "That happens to me all the time; I'm sorry for the inconvenience," Sirius replied, and at that moment Remus entered the room, seemingly without much rest, as he also had a yawning spell.

"Good morning, sunshine," he said as he took a seat. "What's cooking?"


	2. Reach for the Stars

**_Chapter Two-Reaching for the Stars_**

            *edit* Yes, I realize this is a very short chapter, but I have number three written out already and I know just how I'm setting it up. Bear with me!

            It was the first in a chain of misfortunate events, Dumbledore's sacking. It was only a matter of time, Harry knew, before either Hagrid or Trelawney were sacked. But it couldn't be Hagrid, it couldn't! Harry refused to accept the fact that he could go anytime. It was….not…Hagrid.

            Days went by and dreams continued. Perhaps on the rare occasion he might have a dream of retuning to Quidditch playing, but no. Almost every night the same dream of the same corridor of the same Department of Mysteries. It was wretched.

            But there was the one day, finally, when he was able to speak with Sirius. He leapt through the halls, quickly yet silently, in order to escape notice from Umbridge; even with the invisibility cloak, he couldn't take any chances. There, just a bit further…almost there…


	3. Memory's Bliss

**_Chapter three- Memory's Bliss_**

            How he was lonely. Remus was always running errands and doing things for the order, while Dumbledore always had some important calling…the students never knew it, but Dumbledore was always there to protect them. Good as the intentions were, it only fueled the fire of loneliness burning within Sirius' heart.

            "Sirius! Sirius!" Remus, now returned, called to him, "It's Harry!"

            _Harry? Thought Sirius, emotion returning to him. For the moment, happiness returned. "Harry!!" he yelled excitedly to the boy, whom he found contact with through the fire place. "How did you get through?"_

            Umbridge's fire, so I haven't long…." And with that, he told Sirius everything of happening at Hogwarts. How Trelawney was given the boot, how everyone was miserable. How Hagrid was expected to leave any day now. Of course, Sirius expected this. He asked Harry of any returning dreams, and of Occlumency, only to find that Snape had quit giving the lessons.

            "He cannot do that!" Remus broke in. "You need Occlumency!"

            "Why, I should go and beat the living hell out of that man…" Sirius exclaimed angrily. "I've a good mind to go do it right now, that filthy—"

            "No, Sirius. It's too much of a risk. Besides, you don't want to do something you'll regret," Remus said, grabbing Sirius in attempt to restrain him from leaving. "I'll go."

            And with that, the light flickered. "Siri—" Harry's face disappeared and the voice was cut with a series of loud crashing. He was gone.

            Hours passed, and Sirius remained unable to rid his mind of Harry's problems….however, perhaps they should be something to worry. Even at dinner he remained as a large portion of conversation.

            "When will you go back to Snape? That stinking troll of a man really merits someone to put him in his place," Sirius mumbled at dinner, still a bit quite yet audible enough.

            "I understand that, Sirius," Lupin replied with a mouthful of chicken. "But you can't just go around beating the living daylights out of people, especially not one under Dumbledore's trust—"

            "In his case you can."

            "No, Padfoot, not even in his. We have to be rational about this, regardless of whether he's your best friend or your worst enemy!" he chuckled. "Sirius, you always were quick to jump to conclusions. You and James alike," he said, smiling.

            "And as **I** recall, you always stayed out of harm's way, living on the sidelines. Good old Remus…" he replied, grumbling.

            Yes, Remus always was the good boy, and there was no wrong in that, really. Sirius cherished his memories of him and his best friends; if only time could be so carefree and safe as it was in his childhood. Not that it was that great, either; Sirius could definitely relate to a horrible home life. His family was no better—possible worse—than the Dursleys. But unluckily so, they were his family, not just some place he had been dropped at. It seemed only yesterday to him, his mother's barking orders as if he was a house-elf. Hell, Kreacher got better treatment that he, during his time at home. The earlier years were alright; it was during the years at Hogwarts that were infernal. All those years the family had expected his entry to Slytherin, but no. He was the failure. From there, his praise soon leapt to his cousin Narcissa, lousy as a student and lousy as a person, but no…she entered SLYTHERIN, the house of bloody perfection. God, they made Sirius want to vomit at times.

            _Boy, get your ass down here! he heard his wretched mother call._

            A young Sirius Black wandered down the stairs reluctantly, seemingly around the age of twelve or thirteen. He was a handsome young boy, aside from the bruises covering his body and a black eye.

            _Ah yes, he remembered. __Beat Sirius to a pulp, that was always a family favorite. His father had died in Sirius' infantry, but it was not likely he would have put a stop to the beatings, anyway._

            "Yes, Mama?" a frail voice answered. Sirius. He had forgotten how frightful his home was during his childhood. He had been so strong, the tough guy everywhere else….not here. Never here.

            "Come here, boy!" his mother came running quite angrily and grabbed him, pulling him by the ear. But young Sirius could say no pain, one word of "ouch" or remotely a flinch could end him in deeper pain.

            "Look at that, boy! Look at what mess you've made!" his mother screamed, pointing. "Stinking troll of a boy, foul, wretched child, look at what you've done!"

            _What the hell was it? Sirius struggled, unable to recall this part of a memory._

            Young Sirius gazed around, only to find one of his wizard trading cards along the floor. "I—I didn't put that there—"

            "Oh, NO, sure, child, it was your FATHER, wasn't it?" she screamed. She was always a screamer.

            Young Sirius cringed. He hated mention of his father.

            "Or I bet it was Kreacher, as you always blame the poor thing!" she continued.

            _It **was**__ Kreacher, recalled Sirius. He could still hear Kreacher's giggle from after that day. It was over, he didn't want to re-experience this awful event. __Snap out of it! He said to himself._

            It was too late. As young Sirius bent to pick up the card, which he now realized was a much, much younger Dumbledore, he turned around to face his towering mother.

            _Snap out of it! Leave me the hell alone, mother. But he couldn't. He saw his mother's hand swing back…SMACK._

            "Sirius! Sirius! Are you alright?"

            _Voices….where ARE the VOICES?_

            "Wake up!" It was Remus.

            _But why was he calling him to awake, he wasn't asleep….._

            Sirius snapped back to consciousness in a jolt. He wasn't sure where he was, for a moment. He had been out cold, he didn't know if it had lasted two minutes, two hours, or even two days. It was a bit strange, being knocked out from a memory. He didn't think too much of it, however, that's what you get in the wizardry world.

            "What…happened?" he asked, confused.

            "Well, you were in the middle of eating, and suddenly you began to look as if you were in deep thought, and then, out of nowhere, you fell right into your dinner," Lupin explained. "Well, glad you're up."

"When did I move from the table?….I don't remember that…" Sirius asked.

"I moved you. Washed your face for you, too, didn't look so great covered in chicken sauce," he smiled. "Now you go rest. I know nothing's wrong with your health, but you look stressed. Go on, I'll wait for Dumbledore's return."

"All right, all right…" Sirius muttered, walking through the halls. He stopped. _This isn't my room! This is my room as a child…he turned around slowly. _

_What a load, thought Sirius. __What a load. Everything that can happen, has. Or seems like it'll end up happening, anyway._


End file.
